Confessions of a School Mom

I don't like the summer this year.  There I said it out loud.  Or at least wrote it. I am a school mom in a summer hell, and if I didn't think it would traumatize the children, I would make a paper chain of days left until they go back to school.  Danika asked me what has happened to me.  My blogging has dropped off completely; no pics, no witticisms, and nothing thoughtful.  How can I explain that - mainly due to this massive inconvenience to my life - I can barely keep it all together, let alone THINK.

The house looks like it has been tumbled through the dryer, and I have to fight for the will to sit in my kids room and tell them, again, to pick it up.  Make their bed.  Get those toys off the floor. Put your clothes ON. *siiiigh* Of course, I didn't know that there was a difference between a "school mom" and a "summer mom" until I took an innocuous survey that would tell you; it basically tests whether you like your days scheduled and structured, or more free flowing and spontaneous. After 10 incredibly "scientific" questions the result was overwhelming. *angelic chorus*  I am a 97% Bonified School Mom.  Why?

Because I love the school time of year.  I love that we all have to get up, get dressed, and have to GO somewhere. I can make a quick early morning stop at the store, right after the last kiddo springs merrily off to class.  The small kids take naps as scheduled, and in that peace and quiet of the morning I can BLOG, get the laundry going, pad about the house picking up stuff without anyone undoing it, start the dishwasher, wipe off the counter, and thoughtfully prepare for dinner and what the afternoon will bring.  I make phone calls during this quiet time - either to make appointments, research, or call a friend to catch up without being peppered by children's tattling, and questions about whether they can have some juice RIGHT NOW, and random screaming.  I am organizing, recharging, and putting my little world to rights.

Summer is none of these things.  And with a newborn babe, a busy road by my house, and young kids not old enough to self-supervise, it is ESPECIALLY none of these things.  I sat in a friends house yesterday, and confessed my hatred of Otter pops.  She has 6 of her own kids and said, "Oh I KNOW!  The clipped ends all over, the drippy syrup, sticky fingers, sticky faces and stained clothes!  I told my husband that if he ever brings them home again, he's dead meat!!"  Oh soul sister.  Thank you.  I didn't have to say it.

You see, when other mothers beam about the delights of having their kids home for the summer, I have always felt a particular guilt that either I was a rotten mom, or that I had rotten kids.  Now I understand that it is neither of those things.  I am a great mom - 9 months out of the year!  My kids have homework done on time, projects completed, and an awesome "Market Day" entrepreneurial experience!  They wear clean clothes, have early morning scripture study, get to school.... pretty close to on time, with their backpack, lunch and permission slip signed!  Later on, we have a sit down dinner at the table.  With a fruit, vegetable, and  A CLEAN TABLE CLOTH!

I scream A LOT less during those months....

But for now, it is summer.  It is hot.  We are home.  All of us.  All the time.  We are sick of each other.  Everything fun requires time and money, but worst of all it requires getting everyone dressed and into the car.  And I don't want to take a newborn to the pool and simultaneously try to keep the 2 yr old from drowning.  Grocery trips are a nightmare for all of us.  I hate the germs (and the food) associated with the play land.  It is not fun for me to keep having to do a head count to make sure no one is being molested. The vegetable project is a failure; meaning that the strawberry plants died, but the pumpkins and weeds are growing like gangbusters.  Every time I pull into the garage I think that we should organize it, followed immediately by the thought that it is too hot to organize it right now.

I am weary.  I am out of synch.  There is cereal on the counters and the floor.  The spot of toothpaste that I meant to get up off the carpet has been upgraded to "needs the carpet cleaner" status.  And I would do it, if the kids could ever stop tromping on the hallway carpet.  I am just not a summer mom.  This is not fun for me, and I will be glad when it is all over. And when it is you will see me blogging once more and doing this:

Time Saver #1: Dealing with Dinner

As we are getting ready for baby, a lot of things are getting "prepped."  I was talking to my sonographer about frozen meals, and she was so amazed that she was taking notes, so here is my wisdom, THUS FAR about taking care of dinner. It is the blending of three idealogies:

• Once-a-month cooking
• Marie Rick's "House of Order"
• and Sandra Lee's Money Saving Meals.

 After attending Marie Rick's "House of Order" seminars, she suggested that knowing well in advance what you are going to make for dinner saves you time, energy, and most of all frustration.

Having a plan gets the decision making out of the way early in the day, and if you strategically plan your meals, you can multi-task the prep work.  After all, it's just as easy to cook 6 lbs of hamburger and onions as it is to do 2.    It also facilitates grocery shopping, and keeps you away from expensive (and often unhealthy) fast food.  If you are going to have, say, pears as your fruit for 6 of your dinners in a month, you can get a case of pears and be set for 2 -3 months.

So, with that in mind I made this grid on excel: 5 weeks of meals including a main dish, a V: = vegetable and F= fruit.  I took a poll of what dinners my family would like to see in a month, then gathered all of my recipes together and decided on 7 categories for each day of the week.  For Example: Mondays are set aside for Family Home Evening, so I do my quickest recipes then so that I can ALSO have the time to help the kids make a treat.  I dubbed it "Dump It" night - my fast recipes that I can make in under 20 minutes.

After naming each genre of the week, I pulled/copied the recipes for the month in a single binder and put them in plastic sheet protectors (knowing how sloppy my cooking can be).  I also printed out a copy of my Month O'Meals  and have it taped it to the fridge.  It was a bit harder than I thought, and it's not perfect yet, but here it is! One month of recipes. One place to look for what I need.  This way, I can take the whole binder with me when I go the grocery store and flip through a week or two of recipes to see what I'll  need. Slick! 

Part of my weekly genres include recipes from the Food Network Show, "Sandra Lee's MSV, or "money saving meals."  I tivo the show every Sunday, and have been trying out her recipes much to the delight of my family - I've never made Greek food before!  Even better, she has a "Round 2 Recipe," where you reserve some of the ingredients from your first recipe, and for a few ingredients more, comes up with another meal.  It cuts down on my prep time, and helps me to feel a little bit ahead of the 8 ball.

Lastly, freezer meals.  Once-a-Month Cooking is both a book and a technique.  Matthew and I used this in our college days when no one was home to prep dinner. We would make a list of meals from the books "Frozen Assets" and "Once-a-Month Cooking, then go grocery shopping on Friday night, leave all the cans out on the counter, and put it together on Saturday morning.

Most recipes can  be stored in a gallon sized zip lock bag.  You freeze them flat, then line them up in your freezer shelf like library books.  There are often a few "extras" that go with the meal, like chopped tomatoes/avocados on "Sopa de Maize," or Frito's,  but that is minimal work compared with having to make the whole thing.

I have, currently, about 17 meals in the freezer.  Do I follow any of these plans strictly?  Heck no. Each technique has it's merit, and by combining them, it gives me time and it gives me options.  At the end of the day, you do what works best for you and your family. 

But I can say that having a plan, and simple techniques is much better than trying to make it up every day.  I hope to be SO organized one day that I can have FOUR binders of month long recipes.  Winter, Spring, Summer (YAY GRILLING!) and Fall.  In my mind, I'll have everything plotted out by what is in season cross checked by what grocery stores usually have on sale. Cue "Dream the Impossible Dream...."

But I can't think about that now.... I'll have to think about it tomorrah... after I pull out mah freezer meal!

Time Saver #2: Bathroom Apprentice

Many of you already know that I love a clean bathroom.  I don't like actually cleaning the bathroom, but I love the effect afterwards.  As time has gone by, Matthew and I split up the stewardship of the bathrooms.  I let him choose which one he wanted to police, and then we would make sure that "our" bathroom got cleaned every Saturday. 

This way, I don't have to be the only one hollering around the house, "Pick up your towel - the maid is off duty this week!  Who tried to finger paint in the tooth paste?!!!  I see clothes on the floor here... come pick these up - THIS IS NOT A HOTEL!!!"

One Saturday though, as I was scrubbing out the toilet, it occurred to me that it was a bit unfair to have the parents scrubbing away while the kids were out there watching tv.  Frankly, it was that way just because it was easier to get them out of the way - and they didn't know how to clean the bathroom anyway.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"Hon, how 'bout we split up the kids and make each one our apprentice for cleaning the bathroom?  Once we teach them how to do it, they'll take over the bathrooms..."  He thought it was genius.  He got the 9 yr old, and I got the 5 yr old. 

Now, we are training up our brood to properly clean the bathroom.  For the past month, we take our apprentice and show them how we do it.  Matthew and I use a technique that we learned from Jeff Campbell's dvd "Speed Cleaning."  Matthew is closer to freedom than I am, but let me tell you something - just having all of the stuff taken out of the bathroom (towels, bathmat, hand soap, toothbrushes, shampoo, soap, garbage can etc.) makes it go twice as fast!  And while I'm scrubbing out the tub, my 5 yr old is wiping down the dusty base boards. 

I'm still cleaning off the majority of the surfaces, but he is right there with me.  And he loves the challenge of getting it done before Daddy and Abigail.  Especially since he is allowed to go watch tv and sit on his tat while his sister is learning the finer points of wiping down the toilet seat.

And the bathrooms?  Since employing our apprentices, they seem to have stayed - CLEANER. Well, lets just say that those two kids have a more keen interest in making sure that THEIR bathroom doesn't become a mess.... ;D  And that makes for a happier momma!

Time Saver #3: The Blitz

Or, "How to Clean an Entire Kitchen in 10 - 15 minutes."  This technique was invented by my parents.  It is based on Hitler's advancement tactic called "The Blitzkrieg."

In German, Blitzkrieg means lightning war (Blitz-Krieg). Blitzkrieg was named so because it included surprise attacks, "Lighting fast" rapid advances into enemy territory, with coordinated massive air attacks, which struck and shocked the enemy as if it was struck by lightning. The German military in WWII achieved most of its great victories with the Blitzkrieg tactic, and it's also how I clean my kitchen. Well, without Hitler, or the artillery.


Rules: 

1. Everyone helps. Family, friends, guests.  No one is, as my 5 yr old says, "Sittin on their tat!"  There is a warning sent out by father, "okay, we're about to Blitz..." which means, "If you have to use the bathroom, make a phone call, tie your shoe etc. you have about one flat minute to do so.."  My mom believes that having dad lead the way was key. No one had an excuse to slack off.  If dad, who works all day, can help for 10 minutes, so can you!
2. Once "Blitz" is called, rockin' music is selected (some of us have playlists on our ipods, and the kids can sometimes pick the music - though be careful.  We had to listen to Abigail's school musical for quite a few evenings...), and everyone gets up, clears their plate, and starts on a job; load the dishwasher, clear off a counter/stove, put away left overs, scrub/dry pots n pans, take the chairs out of the room (then put them back when the floor is dry), sweep and/or mop the floor etc.  There is a job for every skill level.  Even wiping down the appliances and cupboards makes a huge difference!
3. If anyone who ate dinner has disappeared, anyone may call your name, "So and So is out of the room!" and in a rapid fire manner the whole family starts to count to 10.  If a body part of the missing individual does not make it into the kitchen before the family reaches 10, the remainder of the kitchen is left for that person to clean by themselves. 
4. Try and get it done in under 10 minutes. Always try and beat your best time.

In such a short time, you have clean counters, clean floor, the dishwasher is running, the sink is scrubbed out, dinner is put away, the appliances gleam, and no one had to spend more than 10 minutes working.

This picture isn't my kitchen, but you get the idea. This is so much better to look at 10 minutes after slaving away at dinner instead of a messy counter and sink full of dishes.  Many hands make light work. It's lightening fast, and the dirt in the kitchen never knew what hit it!

Just as Nasty as you Remembered it...

It hasn't happened in years.  Though I have been prepared for it, I haven't had to actually MAKE any powdered milk.  Then, through a series of events, I was left without a choice; there was no way to fill up on milk, and go to all of my appointments, AND have something for Sam's nap.  So I made some.

Using my ingenious knowledge of quarts and gallons, I swished out the last of the dregs of our last gallon of milk, set aside the bottle *taps forehead*, and then poured 3 cups of powdered milk into one hot quart of water and mixed thoroughly with a whisk.  It had an odd bubbly familiarity.  Familiar because my mom had done it before.  Odder yet because it definitely had the appearance of milk.

"Maybe powdered milk in the new millennium is better than what my mom had..." I thought to myself.  I continued to REALLY mix, convincing myself that the warm water was getting out ALL of the nasty clumps that would betray it's humble powdered beginnings.  Added 3 more quarts of freezing cold water, and stuck it in the fridge.  It LOOKED just like the last gallon of milk!  SUCCESS!!

Since then, I have been cheerfully substituting it in my cooking, in Sam's bottle, and leaving it out for the kids.  And the gallon is nearly out.  I decided to, tentatively, take a little sip.  It has chilled overnight, it looks like milk, and Sam took it for the second time in a row with no complaints.  This bodes well!

OH MY DISGUSTING!!!!!! It was not only AS bad as I remembered it - IT WAS WORSE! My brain had convinced myself that it couldn't be as bad as it had been.  It was SOOOO nasty tasting, and I wasn't prepared for the after shock gag, either.  If I had had ANY food in my stomach, it would have been all over the floor.

Some people say they love it, and that if the milk is properly chilled you can't even tell the difference.  Let me tell you friends, IT IS A LIE!  It's the same lie that Diet Soda drinkers tell their fat friends, "Ohhhhh, you get used to it, until you don't notice it anymore..." Lies, all lies!!!  If you are one of these, and can so deaden your taste-buds to not notice, then PLEASE!  Come over and have some powdered milk!  We have lots! I'm sure you won't be able to tell the difference!  If you can voluntarily drink diet soda AND powdered milk, hell! you could probably get used to guzzling TURPENTINE!

But as for me, we will have the good stuff thank you very much!  You can keep your diet, your powdered, and your turpentine. Now excuse me while I go drag my tongue along the carpet to get rid of this nasty taste in my mouth!!!  EHhhhwwww. BLECH!

A Little Ireland for St. Pattys Day...

Happy St. Patrick's Day my Blogging friends! Guess what!? My sister had her baby! Ireland Gayle. In Boston. How appropriate is THIS!? I'm just excited because her quilt from Aunt Katrina arrived only shortly before she did. My sister and I seem to have some sort of genetic sympathy where our kids tend to be about a month apart. This time, they will be EXACTLY a month apart. Sam and Liesel are 22 days apart. Soon, we will both have newborns to cuddle, as well as a 2yr old's birthday party to plan.

While babies are truly fun, I really had to scramble to get this quilt ready, and the more kids I have, the more I realize that I just need to give up this hobby! But I'm glad that she could get one, just like all of her cousins. The swirly swirly quilting is called "McTavishing" and I love the effect, and the Irish-y name of it. Debbie Lee is my quilter, and she has.... oh 8 kids to care for including one that is going on a mission soon. She. Is. Amazing. And I love her work! The fabrics are reproductions from the 30's, and the design is just a modified 1/2 square, set on point, to look like an hour glass.

As my own kids are growing up, it seems like time is all warped - where the days are like weeks and the weeks are like days. There is so much to get through in a day, and yet, all those days pile up and suddenly you are hurdling year after year! So, this quilt is just a little reminder that time goes by so fast with little ones, who turn into big ones. I edged it in green and hoped that it would add a bit o' the emerald to pay tribute to the wee bonny lass, Ireland. Welcome welcome!


For better details, click on the photos....

P.S. Yes, I DO know that the quote I put on the quilt label by Jim Croce was written in a song about a couple, and not a baby, but it seems to fit just as well here as there...

Please Don't Ask....

Belly Shots. I don't want to do them. Please don't ask me. It's not that I am denying the wonders of pregnancy, or hiding in shame. It's like wearing hot pink lipstick, some people just can't carry it off without looking like a Vegas street walker. I just can't carry it off - gracefully.

Am I opposed to them? No. Some women, like the one pictured here, enjoy their first photo shoot with ample cleavage. They have skinny little arms and grow a mini basketball in their tummy that is nearly universally deemed "cute." No stretchmarks, furry or lined bellies, or red veiny road-map-like nasty things cover their tum. And good for them. *sarcastic "thumbs up"*

Somehow, the fat stays off their face and sticks straight onto the baby, they look great in spandex which reveal their precious bump, and it resembles a bouncy ball more than, say, a tripled batch of white, pasty, bread dough. Their children exit like the plant from Mary Poppin's carpet bag, leaving no evidence behind that they were ever gestating. Whoopedeedo for you.

I - on the other hand - don't get pregnant this way. I get pregnant in a way that resembles Jabba the Hutt. Pregnant all over. Big face, fat butt. When I see photos of myself, it isn't a "Awww, remember when?!" It is very literally a "WHAAAH!!! GAAAH! Who took this?! Lets destroy it before someone is traumatized for life..."

So, at least for endearing belly shots, please understand that it's just... not for me. Also, just so you know, pregnancy for me is not a fun, tummy-bearing adventure. I ache, I barf, I retain the Atlantic Ocean in fluid, and feel ridiculously tired and cranky. Right now, even as I write, I am at that stage of pregnancy where my arm starts to puff up like a Cabbage Patch doll, and I've just about lost all indications that I ever had ankle bones.

To this end, I have a particular hatred for those that love pregnancy. If you deem it "the best you've ever felt in your entire life!" and "would do it 100 times if I could!" I currently want to rip your face off with my bare hands.

So, please, no cameras, no request, and no stories of how you loved every minute of your pregnancy. Give me a year, and I might - eventually - even admire your professional cute bump photos. But for now, just keep a safe distance, and don't ask. Forewarned is forearmed. Or else, in the words of the great Jabba the Hutt(loosely translated from Huttenese): "There will be no bargain, young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you die."