Monday, February 23, 2009

Confessions of a Night Owl

I love the night. When I was young, and couldn't sleep, I would gaze out my bedroom window at the stars, and Mt. Timpanogas. There's a legend that a maiden laid down there and died, though I could never remember which end was supposed to be feet, and which end was supposed to be hair cascading down the hill. I had a special star that I could see, but I figured that since it was pretty insignificant, that it could be MY star. My wishing star. I'd look for it on nights when I couldn't sleep, but was too tired to read.

Now, I love the night for different reasons. Right now, at 2 am, it is soooooo peaceful. No tv, no lights, no crying, no screaming-begging-pleading- one more drink, I love you's and something to dream about. No NOISE. I feel my ragged soul trying to re-energize itself. Smoothing away the horrendous time at church with a 4 yr old who didn't want to be there and a baby that was missing his nap.

The ruffled feathers of being told I'm supposed to bring an apple crumble to the poorly planned, ad hoc, "Blue and Gold" Banquet that is on the calendar a good YEAR in advance, smoothing... somewhat.

The incredulous feeling I have signing up an entire ward for their own website, when the step-by-step directions have been in the ward program for TWO WEEKS --- A half sheet of icon specific, idiot-proof pictures that I spent a couple of hours preparing for even the most LIMITED intelligence. "I need whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?" Those are starting to melt into acceptance.

It's a delicate balance. I'll pay in one way or another; I'll be tired tomorrow for sure, but in a weird way, more able to handle the desire to throttle a great number of people that so richly deserve it. At least I can point to a time when I wasn't bothered, and annoyed, and severely ticked. Well..., except for the disturbing task of trying to find "still of the night" photos that weren't incredibly... off-putting. Geeeze louise. Can't there be a little something out there that's not getting ruined? Maybe if I can find that star again, and make a wisssshhhhhhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Annette said...

I soooo understand these feelings. I get so put out with church members who I have quite frankly wondered how they made it to adulthood! Seriously they should have been hit on the side of the road. I chalk it up to... this is the church and you have to do this for me/us.

I had to talk in church about the blessings of attending stake conference. Ya... great topic right. I mean why wouldn't you? Anyhow I read in my talk why we have Stakes... one is to ASSIST Parents. I took the time to remind them it was to ASSIST not raise your child!!! Something about ppl thinking that because we are all members they get to have access to my stuff and my time.

At our last ward adult party. I loaned to Bryan and Michelle (they are on the committee) a bunch of wedding stuff. I heard ... gee if I need battery operated candles for anything I now know Annette has them and I will just use hers. I said to that person. No not necessary will that happen. :-) All said with a smile of course. Ya I'm with you on this one sister! And the whole kid thing... the day your youngest makes it into Kindergarten you will sit in your chair and say... I LOVE THE SILENCE! I never felt bad all my children were in school. Well that was until ppl in the church said, wait all of Annette's kids are in school and she isn't working... she can do this and that and that and this... ya... thanks for filling up my time! So nice of ya!

Danika said...

Left to my own devices I'd stay up until 3 am and sleep in until 11. When I was on my mission I swore I'd never live a life where I had to be up by 5:30 or 6:00 AM again and here I am, living exactly that way. Funny where life leads you, huh?

Meredith said...

Good to be a night owl when the inevitable cries and wimpers come - I have been up doing my "thang" and been ready to catch a sad baby/kiddo. But I am a night girl too.

People at church are sooooo lame. Have they not figured out who they are dealing with yet? And I think Blue and Gold is always ad hoc. It is part of the fun.

Cicily said...

Man, you've got too much to think about. I say quite the church and things should be a ton easier :)