Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Baby Sam's One Month Check up

Well, the results are in! Baby Sam is 2 inches longer, and about 2 lbs heavier. That is the sum of the information I got at his check up. He's thriving and doing well. Why then, do I feel like he just got a report card for being an infant?

"His weight is in the 50th percentile, his head is in the 75th percentile, and his length is in the 75-99th percentile."

So, is that a B+/A-? Will he make it into college? How can we make up his small head not keeping up with his superior length? What, as a parent, did I do wrong? If my kid isn't making the grade now, what does his future hold? Stupid.

Looking back, I figure that it's all just a ruse to make parents paranoid and/or competitive. Luckily for me, I have traveled this route a few times before. Not only do the parameters change year-to-year, but the numbers don't mean a gosh darned thing. My kid is 100%, A+, Top of the Class where he is supposed to be in his growth.

The best measurements come from a tape measure I have only seen in a picture; Mary Poppins. She wants a quick judge of the children's character and can simply use her tape measure to discover that Michael is: "Extremely stubborn AND suspicious." I want that tape measure! It was a dead-on measurement of something a parent would really want to know! Who needs these random high-faloutin' percentiles? Give me something I can use, "Rather inclined to giggle - doesn't put things away."

I think my kids are in the, "Inclined to pick on sibling, and treat floor as if it were a garbage,"phase - or, "Mischievous every time your back is turned," growth spurt. I dunno, it sounds right to me. And if anyone does find that tape measure, please let me know. I've always wondered if Mary Poppins and I were about the same height, "Practically Perfect in Every Way." :D


Reggs said...

HEE HEE HEE!! This post made me laugh! I especially liked the part about "using the floor as a garbage." I think you should also add "using the car as a garbage." I just looked in my car...SCARY! I would like one of those tape measures that says, "you are overworked. YOu need chocolate." Sign me up!

Lisa said...

CUTE post! You have that Worthen gene of being a great writer! WOW! Sam has grown a lot! Impressive....you feeding that kid straight cream? Confession here, I have NEVER seen Mary Poppins, but your post now makes me want to! Kiss Sam (and everyone else) for me!

Meredith said...

Man, Kate MIGHT be back to her birth weight at her next weigh-in on friday. I don't think she will have gained two pounds by her one month check up the following friday...LOL! Oh well, if it keeps my giant baby small for longer, fine with me.

Joel said...

Awesome news! 2 pounds that is some serious work he is doing there. Give him a hug from Uncle Joelsie.

Ali said...

My measurement would be , "Great and loyal friend, but won't clean toilets".

And I agree with you about those numbers being purely for bragging rights. After my baby has their checkup, I'm going to go around telling everyone that shes in the 14th percentile for everything. Let's see how they absorb that info.

Momma J said...

don't you love all the "your child is in the 95%-tile for height and 75% for weight" halla-balue? is he sucking all my fat cells dry? good, that's all i need to know! :)

Kelly Merrell said...

Katrina! Hello! I am so glad that I found your blog. I must admit, I usually only look at people's pictures and skim over their long ramblings...but I love to read yours!